Monday, July 26, 2010

Comic Relief or Reality?

Dear Mom, Dad, and America,

I know plans for my return are set for this coming Thursday, but I have made the executive decision to cancel these plans. I have fallen in love with an exotic dancer (stripper is derogatory) who goes by Bubbles on stage. Now that I think about it, I don't know her actual name, but it doesn't matter I will find out when we apply for our marriage license tomorrow. Besides, Bubbles flows so wonderfully off the tongue, I actually prefer it and love doesn't need a "real" name. You may be wondering what I will do here in Mexico. I have decided to be a Luchador, or in English, a Wrestler. I am working my way through the amateur ranks right now as "El Burrito," because I have been told I will need to eat many burritos to gain some weight and to stand a chance as a Pro. It may seem nonsensical, but my skills are improving daily and my trainer, Diego, says "you show great promise," because, "you much taller than other Luchadores." Plus, I have the extra motivation to work hard as I have a family to care for now. With that being said, Mom and Dad, I will still need my allowance because I have decided to relieve Bubbles' ex-husband of his child support responsibilities for their 3 children; Jesus (pronounced Hay-Zeus), Roberto, and baby Maria. This will only be until I have established myself as the best Luchador in the history of Mexico. I know this may come as a huge shock, but when you're in love, you're in love, and I knew it from our first dance, albeit she was the only one dancing, but I felt a deep connection and a strong mutual affection. I can only ask for your understanding and hope you will come visit us, and your three grandchildren, soon. To my friends, I will miss you dearly. This has been a difficult decision for me to make but I see my destiny in the Mexican Wrestling World (I have great moves from the top rope and look great in mask and tights) and I see my future with my beloved Bubbles.

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